Relationships/Advice

Please HELP! Should I Tell My Best-Friend’s Boyfriend She Is HIV Positive?

Chi-Chi, thank you for creating this much needed platform! I have been following you for about 7 months now and I must say you are doing a very good job. This is my story…

I am a 29-year-old Cameroonian lady and I have been living with HIV now for 6 years. I met Lum (real name withheld) the lady I now call my bestfriend during one of my many visits to the hospital. When I met her 3 years ago, she had just found out she was HIV-positive and was very suicidal. I became her unofficial counsellor and made her understand that HIV is not a death sentence and she still has a chance of living a long and happy life. We became really close after that and when she got better and accepted her status we swore to always be there for one another and never to tell anyone about our status.

Ever since I have known Lum, men have always thrown themselves at her but she has never really shown any interest in any of them. I can’t blame the men, Lum is a very sexy lady and takes her antiretroviral drugs religiously. I think most people will find it hard to believe she has HIV even if they saw her test results.

Last year Lum met and fell in love with a young banker based in Douala. The relationship got serious pretty quickly as the guy gave her the keys to his apartment. Before they started having sex, I advised Lum to tell the guy about her status and she promised she would but never did. Lum’s boyfriend, let us just call him Karl (not his real name). Karl told Lum he doesn’t like condoms and they have been having unprotected sex for months now.

I begged Lum again to tell the guy but she said she was taking her medication as asked by the doctors and that the risk of infecting Karl was very low. But I advised her to tell him and let him decide for himself if he wants to have unprotected sex or not. Lum still didn’t tell Karl.

In July this year, Karl proposed marriage to Lum. He still does not know about her status. Karl treats me like Lum’s sister. Most of the times when he is buying gifts for Lum, he buys me something too. I have been giving him indirect hints to ask Lum for an HIV test but he doesn’t seem to get it.

They are planing their wedding for this December. I feel like if Karl marries Lum without knowing her status or gets infected by her, I would be as guilty as she is for not telling him. I feel like telling Karl would be betraying Lum which is something I swore I would never to do.

What should I do CCNA readers? I am in a dilemma!

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  • Justice Elmer

    More so.. This guy needs to be told, cos if he’s already gotten HIV he needs to go to the hospital to take his meds.. If he’s been infected since last year and he’s not been taken meds, you can imagine what it would be doing to him

  • Justice Elmer

    But letting that guy marry her ignorant of her status would deal a serious blow when he eventually finds out.. Cos if he finds out he might end their relationship or marriage and then suicide would be inevitable, since you earlier mentioned she is suicidal.. So sit her down explain to her one last time that she needs to tell him.. Give her a time frame to tell him and on expiration if it happens that she hasn’t told him, then you tell him..

    • Cornel Nwankwo

      You made some point

  • Justice Elmer

    Telling on her would seem as betraying..

  • Justice Elmer

    WoW!! You’re at one hell of a crossroad..

  • IG: Jiafid

    I think saving the guys life is very important

  • kayode akinsanya

    The best thing to do is to free your mind, first it has happened. Tell him if you don’t do that it will affect your health. That’s my own

  • Mezzy Gilbert

    You re caught in between,but empathize with ds guy,

  • Mezzy Gilbert

    Save a soul,save a generation!

  • WillieBravo

    I think she can find a way to tell the guy in such way it won’t lead to an outrage from both the guy and her friend. The only problem with that is that the guy would most likely end the relationship because he’s going to feel he has been lied to by the one he loves.

  • WillieBravo

    This lady is in between the evil and the deep blue sea. Torn in between been a loyal friend and doing what’s expected of her and shut her trao,or do what’s right for her conscience which is tell a fellow human he’s life is been endangered by the one he loves.

  • Some questions are rhetorical you don’t need a soothsayer…. That’s my opinion

  • Olovo Obinna

    I better she let the cat out of the bag before its too late…..guys should not be blinds with love…..both b4 marriage are supposed to do necessary test…though been a HIV positive does not stop u from marrying a negative partner……the major n first thing is to open up n tell ur partner everything about u….what will be will certainly be…

  • emekachilaka

    na GOD de save man pinking

  • emekachilaka

    That lum is heartless she don’t love the guy in any way just wan to useless the guy’s life too bad from her telling the guy now don’t make any seance is too late and how are you sure she have not infected him already

  • Cornel Nwankwo

    It is obvious that if Karl is about to marry the lady in question here, they must undergo some test at the hospital unless if the lady goes to the back to seal an agreement with the Doctor not to tell the husband to be!

  • Cornel Nwankwo

    Well the situation is quite puzzling.
    Telling Karl by yourself won’t be a good idea and won’t also be a bad idea.
    The Karl will later appreciate protected sexual inter course.

    • Mezzy Gilbert

      U got a point,bc if he was having protected sex,it wud b uncalled for,he wl really appreciate condoms

      • Cornel Nwankwo

        Fact